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November 24, 2006
Alaskan in Exile
by Neil Zawicki

    A generous funding increase from Insurgent Headquarters has allowed me to add some amenities to the Exile Bunker. I’ve done some remodeling, added a racquetball court and built a climate-controlled garage for my exotic import vehicle, manufactured by Mitsubishi for the Chrysler Corporation. It’s a Dodge Colt. And it’s white. Anyway, the extravagant compensation package provided by IHQ has allowed one more luxury. Are you ready?

    I got cable.

    I know what you’re thinking: What happened to all that talk about being anti-television?

    Well, that’s a question that deserves an answer.

    I decided to order cable for two reasons. One: being a dad with a toddler, any and all luxuries, however tiny, are magnificent. Two: I’m a filthy addict when it comes to history, news and documentaries. That’s actually all I watch when swimming my lavish ocean of 243 channels.

    One late night last week I settled in to spend an hour watching a new show called “My War Diary,” a documentary program featuring amateur video taken by American Soldiers serving in Iraq.

    At last, I imagined, the total accessibility of video technology has allowed the troops to shoot raw footage of their experience, and the honest story will at last come out. I settled in for some serious, bone-quick, brutally honest reportage.

    It took about three minutes to figure out that My War Diary is funded by the Pentagon. It’s sort of like Top Gun for grunts; the soldiers and Marines in the show talk about being shot at on patrol like quarterbacks after a game, cracking jokes and laughing about the danger. Next, the troops are shown off duty, conducting wacky practical jokes or making bad music videos about the insurgency. At one point, I watched video of soldiers slamming themselves against a concrete wall for recreation.

    There is not one element of fear, being homesick, guilt or doubt in the program. It’s makes a tour in Iraq look like an edgy, fun campout. The soldiers interviewed are dressed up in standard issue Army Brown T-shirts, but clearly most of them have since left the service. The earrings and goatees give them away. Still, the featured troops are clearly still playing for the Hawk team, and all of them make sure to mention they made it home without being seriously wounded.

    It’s a good thing I’m not an aimless 18 year-old, otherwise the show would probably make me go out and join, because, wow man, judging from My War Diary, war looks like fun.

    What a drag. The Military Propaganda Machine got that one right. Popularize the war among the impressionable. Make it look sexy.

    There is no doubt in my head that My War Diary will boost enlistment numbers, and that’s too bad, because it’s a lie. It’s a lie I bought. It’s a lie a few of my friends bought as well. Back then, we were seduced by Hollywood. Today, the military has taken the raw video revolution and put a Hollywood edge on it, and that is truly deceptive. Maybe more so than real Hollywood.

    There is one piece of reality the Pentagon is powerless to twist. While out for dinner recently, I noticed a man with two silver hooks for hands. He was about 24. And then I realized that I’ve been seeing a lot of young guys these days with artificial legs or hooks for hands. Others are paralyzed or homeless. Others will never again be considered stable enough for society. Still others will kill themselves. These are all brave men. These are all honorable men. But they know it’s not a game. They know it’s not a music video. My War Diary ignores them. My War Diary insults them.
   
   








      Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at hondo23@gmail.com

     'Alaskan In Exile' appears on insurgent49.com every Friday.
- Columnists -

Editor's Desk
by Aaron Selbig

Rank and File
by Nova Stubbs

Red Alert
by Soren Wuerth



Alaskan In Exile
by Neil Zawicki

The
Bramble Bush
by Kevin Morford







- column archive -

November 17, 2006

November 10, 2006

November 3, 2006

October 27, 2006

October 20, 2006

October 13, 2006

October 6, 2006

September 29, 2006

September 22, 2006

September 15, 2006

September 8, 2006

September 1, 2006

August 25, 2006

August 18, 2006

August 11, 2006

August 4, 2006

July 28, 2006

July 21, 2006

July 14, 2006

June 30, 2006

June 23, 2006

June 16, 2006

June 9, 2006

June 2, 2006

May 26, 2006

May 12, 2006

May 5, 2006

April 28, 2006

April 21, 2006

April 14, 2006

April 7, 2006

March 31, 2006

March 24, 2006

March 17, 2005

March 3, 2006

February 24, 2006

February 17, 2006

February 10, 2006

February 3, 2006

January 27, 2006

January 20, 2006

January 13, 2006

January 6, 2006

December 30, 2005

December 23, 2005

December 16, 2005

December 10, 2005

December 2, 2005

November 25, 2005

November 18, 2005

November 11, 2005

November 4, 2005

October 28, 2005

October 21, 2005

October 14, 2005

October 7, 2005

September 30, 2005

September 23, 2005

September 16, 2005

September 9, 2005

September 2, 2005

August 26, 2005

August 19, 2005

August 12, 2005

August 5, 2005

July 29, 2005

July 22, 2005

July 15, 2005

July 8, 2005

July 1, 2005

June 24, 2005

June 17, 2005

June 10, 2005

June 3, 2005

May 27, 2005

May 20, 2005

May 13, 2005

May 6, 2005

April 29, 2005

April 21, 2005

April 14, 2005

April 7, 2005

April 1, 2005



- also by this writer -



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in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership.