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| October 13, 2006 Alaskan in Exile by Neil Zawicki [Editor's note: This week, Neil
Zawicki delights us with his continuing saga of Luke Pastoriak, a
wandering immigrant in the world of TV. To get caught up to speed on
parts 1-6 of the story, click here and follow the links.]
The Television of the United States, Part Seven
A blast of bright white light filled Luke’s eyes, and he cast a
long shadow on the stage. He’d made the final round, and he liked
it. He was ready now to take the prize, to become president of the
Television of the United States. The audience fell to a hush, and a fountain of sparks exploded to his left and right. It startled him, and when he jumped, the motorcycle helmet fell in front of his eyes. When he pulled it back into place, he saw the host of the show: a little man in a red suit. Up close, his face was beaded with sweat, and sloppy eyeliner ringed each eye. The lights made a halo around his head, and Luke thought of a solar eclipse. “You’re a natural, kid,” the host whispered, and then he turned to the audience. “Can this man be your president?!” he shouted. The audience sent out a collective “whoooo!” Luke began to laugh. “Are you ready to rumble?!” The audience continued the noise, only louder now. “Or will this man continue to be your president?!” The host motioned to the edge of the stage, where a blond guy in a black suit emerged. He held one red rose in his left hand, and he calmly walked to Luke’s side. The audience cheered: “Bradlee! Bradlee!” Luke glanced at his opponent, incumbent President of the Television of the United States Bradlee Ramsteiner. He was smooth, and Luke took notice. Bradlee tossed the rose to the audience and began to speak. “Hello viewer citizens.” The audience wooed once more. “I am still your leader, and I will be your leader at the end of this day. My opponent is good, and he’s funny, too.” Luke didn’t like that. He didn’t want to be funny. “Evil Pastoriak,” continued Bradlee. “A clever homage to the enemy of the Television of the United States, the man that divided our great broadcast zone. Some say Evil is a descendent of Clement Hondo Pastoriak. Some say he’s an impostor. I say we can’t take a chance. How do we know he’s not an agent from the White Dot Collective, sent here to undermine our way of life?” The audience began to murmur, and Luke took a deep breath. Bradlee looked at him, saying, “How do we know, Evil Pastoriak? How do we know you’re not here to destroy us?” Luke looked into Bradlee’s determined eyes. He had not come this far to be called an enemy of the Television of the United States. He had not come this far to lose, and now every nerve in his body wanted to win. He had become intoxicated with the idea. The thought snapped in his brain like a twig, and then he spoke. “Are you afraid of the White Dot Collective, sir?” he asked Bradlee, and his voice echoed from the dark silent audience, and now he was standing by, watching himself say these words. “Because I am not. I am not afraid of the White Dot Collective. I am not afraid of my father!” The audience gasped, and Bradlee blinked. Now Luke was locked into a trip he could not control, and he watched himself continue. “I will be president of the Television of the United States, and as your president I will…” It was like a teakettle coming to a boil. “I will invade and destroy our enemy! I will declare war on the White Dot Collective! I will destroy them!” The audience went completely mad, shrieking and leaping from their seats. The din of their cheers made the air rattle, and Luke began to scream, “I will invade their land and I will destroy my treasonous father!” Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at - hondo23@gmail.com |
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October 6, 2006 September 29, 2006 September 22, 2006 September 15, 2006 September 8, 2006 September 1, 2006 August 25, 2006 August 18, 2006 August 11, 2006 August 4, 2006 July 28, 2006 July 21, 2006 July 14, 2006 June 30, 2006 June 23, 2006 June 16, 2006 June 9, 2006 June 2, 2006 May 26, 2006 May 12, 2006 May 5, 2006 April 28, 2006 April 21, 2006 April 14, 2006 April 7, 2006 March 31, 2006 March 24, 2006 March 17, 2005 March 3, 2006 February 24, 2006 February 17, 2006 February 10, 2006 February 3, 2006 January 27, 2006 January 20, 2006 January 13, 2006 January 6, 2006 December 30, 2005 December 23, 2005 December 16, 2005 December 10, 2005 December 2, 2005 November 25, 2005 November 18, 2005 November 11, 2005 November 4, 2005 October 28, 2005 October 21, 2005 October 14, 2005 October 7, 2005 September 30, 2005 September 23, 2005 September 16, 2005 September 9, 2005 September 2, 2005 August 26, 2005 August 19, 2005 August 12, 2005 August 5, 2005 July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 29, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 - also by this
writer -
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Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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