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| September 15, 2006 Alaskan in Exile by Neil Zawicki There are a lot of mass-marketed slogans in both the far Left and the far Right political camps. They turn up on T-shirts, hats, buttons and bumper stickers. Both sides have a tendency toward marginally sophomoric material. On the Left side, one company sells toilet paper with George Bush’s face printed on each perforated strip. Others display things like “Worst President Ever,” or “Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot.” Others are a little more reasoned. “Celebrate diversity” is one. My favorite is “If you don’t pray in my schools, I won’t think in your church.” Generally, if a person would like to criticize such slogans beyond disagreeing with them politically, the main thread seems to be that our president is an idiot. In fact, he and some of his cabinet members are the only personal targets. Beyond that is a collection of progressive slogans that champion reason over rhetoric. The Right is another story altogether. I recently ran across an abundant collection of conservative slogans for sale at a site called rightwingstuff.com. These, in contrast, range from chest beating bravado disguised as debate to open ridicule of people, races, religions, ideas and even science. It supports my theory that the Conservative Right lives in a fantasy world of child-like faith in poorly developed notions of a black and white worldview. It’s as though they sit with their TV remotes, clicking away in hopes of finding a broadcast of the Howdy Dooty show, not accepting that the program was cancelled during the Eisenhower Administration. I went ahead and gathered a collection of some of the best among these slogans, and have devised a little contest in which to present them… Announcing the inaugural Conservative Sloganeering Awards, honoring the best and the brightest in reactionary, hubris-driven political posturing ever put to the pen. The categories are: Veiled Racism, Head in the Sand(ism), Open Hatred, Rampant Hubris, Just Plain Puzzling, Scary and Childish, Possible Viagra Advertisement, Dark Nationalism, Most Laughable Correlation between Isolationism and Chivalry, Arrogant Militarism, and finally, the Selective History award. The Veiled Racism award goes to this charming icon:  The Head in the Sand award goes to this T-shirt graphic:  On to the category of Open Hatred. It wasn’t hard for our judges to select this piece of propaganda:  The Rampant Hubris award went easily to this T-shirt design:  Well done, say the judges. Not only is this a childish mockery of a popular contemporary anti-war slogan, it proudly suggests the even larger mistake of committing the same blunders in another country. In the category of Just Plain Puzzling, this twist on an old theme stood out:  The Right Wing support of the USA Patriot Act, wiretapping, Guantanamo Bay prison and the slander and jailing of journalists who oppose the conservative agenda left the panel scratching their heads. As a result, this icon ran away with the prize. The Scary and Childish award goes to this clever retort of a slogan:  “How very witty,” remarked one of our judges. “It’s both smug and reactionary, and it suggests we solve a problem by creating global destruction. Scary and childish indeed.” The break out category of Possible Viagra Advertisement seemed a stiff subscription to fill when it was first brought up by the panel. However, one icon rose to the occasion and stood tall among the others:  The judges were speechless. Next, the category of Dark Nationalism. The award went to this one:  The cheery colors in this icon served to amplify the chilling message. The Most Laughable Correlation Between Isolationism and Chivalry award was created especially for this graphic:  The judges were unsure if this quotation suggests we should only screw our own country or that we should ignore the needs of other countries or that countries are actually women and that perhaps single men can screw other countries or maybe single women can flirt with married countries or maybe that it was just something Teddy Roosevelt said while drunk at a cocktail party. Regardless, this quote is clearly laughable. The Arrogant Militarism award went hands-down to this piece of T-shirt art:  American tank tracks across the world. What a fantastic display of arrogance. We only wish there were two awards for this one. Finally, the Selective History award:  This graphic both deifies Ronald Reagan and paints him as a father figure dressed as Uncle Sam. It was perfect for this category. The judges wish to thank rightwingstuff.com for providing the award winning graphics for the contest. Their slogan, “backhanding the liberal left into submission” is worthy of a prize all its own. Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at - hondo23@gmail.com |
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September 8, 2006 September 1, 2006 August 25, 2006 August 18, 2006 August 11, 2006 August 4, 2006 July 28, 2006 July 21, 2006 July 14, 2006 June 30, 2006 June 23, 2006 June 16, 2006 June 9, 2006 June 2, 2006 May 26, 2006 May 12, 2006 May 5, 2006 April 28, 2006 April 21, 2006 April 14, 2006 April 7, 2006 March 31, 2006 March 24, 2006 March 17, 2005 March 3, 2006 February 24, 2006 February 17, 2006 February 10, 2006 February 3, 2006 January 27, 2006 January 20, 2006 January 13, 2006 January 6, 2006 December 30, 2005 December 23, 2005 December 16, 2005 December 10, 2005 December 2, 2005 November 25, 2005 November 18, 2005 November 11, 2005 November 4, 2005 October 28, 2005 October 21, 2005 October 14, 2005 October 7, 2005 September 30, 2005 September 23, 2005 September 16, 2005 September 9, 2005 September 2, 2005 August 26, 2005 August 19, 2005 August 12, 2005 August 5, 2005 July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 29, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 - also by this
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