| April 14, 2006 Alaskan in Exile by Neil Zawicki I was busy putting the closing touches on my near-perfect political campaign when I received an urgent phone call from Chicago. It was Delcan Montgomery, an old and dear friend from the heady, high intensity days on the Bering Sea. These days, he’s a disgruntled accountant, and he’ll laugh to within an inch of his life whenever he describes himself as such. He’s one of the good ones. He called to hit me with his new and big idea, and it is one that gives a clear transition from political aspiration to reality – or rather, Reality television. The idea is to turn the American presidential campaign into a reality show, complete with strobe lights and cruel audiences and an emcee that shouts, “are you ready to rumble?” When Delcan told me what the emcee would say, he laughed to within an inch of his life. He went on about his idea as I walked through the dark recesses of The Bunker, listening to the notion with new ears. “I’m thinking we could get Donald Trump to put up the cash for the show,” he said. “Donald would never bite,” I allowed. “He has contempt for anything but raw power, and our idea runs counter to everything the Trumps and Bushes of this world grip with jealous fingers.” Still, he had me with the idea. “Who could we get to judge the show?” Delcan asked. “Bill Clinton,” I replied. “Good, good.” Next, he went on about how regular people – welders and waitresses – would be able to actually run for president of the Television of the United States. That’s what he said. The Television of the United States. And that’s what put the zap on my head. President of the Television of the United States. And they would laugh to within inches of their lives. Or maybe not. This idea is ideal for our simple age. The imagination-void, consumer population of our country deserves such a means of voting. It’s straight. It’s honest. The candidates get to say their thing and maybe even duke it out, and then the viewing audience votes, and then we have a new president of the Television of the United States. As I located and put on my evening attire, I suggested to Delcan that the winning candidate be allowed to order a general invasion of Canada. “Yeah, right, good.” He said. After we said our good-byes, the phone rang once again. It was Delcan. “What about a play?” he asked excitedly. “That’s an idea,” I replied, “but there’s not nearly as much money as TV.” The Television of the United States. Nonetheless, it sparked a new direction for me, and I decided to flesh the idea out in the form of a short story about a polarized America of the future, in which half the nation has outlawed TV and the other has embraced it as God and Government. The Television of the United States elects a president each programming season through the reality TV show, and its unwritten constitution is a montage of advertising slogans and old school TV show theme songs written by the venerable Mike Post. The other half of the nation – the White Dot Collective – has no TV, except for secret and illegal stashes in basements. The story will center on one young man’s dream to leave the White Dot Collective and run for president of the Television of the United States. I’ll post installments of the work in progress periodically on Exile. Yes. This is what we need. Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at - hondo23@gmail.com |
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April 7, 2006 March 31, 2006 March 24, 2006 March 17, 2005 March 3, 2006 February 24, 2006 February 17, 2006 February 10, 2006 February 3, 2006 January 27, 2006 January 20, 2006 January 13, 2006 January 6, 2006 December 30, 2005 December 23, 2005 December 16, 2005 December 10, 2005 December 2, 2005 November 25, 2005 November 18, 2005 November 11, 2005 November 4, 2005 October 28, 2005 October 21, 2005 October 14, 2005 October 7, 2005 September 30, 2005 September 23, 2005 September 16, 2005 September 9, 2005 September 2, 2005 August 26, 2005 August 19, 2005 August 12, 2005 August 5, 2005 July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 29, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 - also by this
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Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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