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February 3, 2006
Alaskan in Exile
by Neil Zawicki

    I’ve been a little distracted lately, and if you’ve ever run for mayor, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. In the midst of all the campaign preparations and research, not to mention the painstaking selection of a letterhead that will keep me “On Message” every time I send a note to anyone during and after the campaign, I’ve neglected to really consider the meaning of the new developments in the Middle East.

    So, for the first time last night I really thought about the fact that Hamas, the Islamic militant group that has turned suicide bombing and automatic weapon brandishing into a fine art, has been elected the leader of Palestine.

    The only thing I can imagine even coming close to the magnitude of the situation would be if the Crips were elected to be in charge of Los Angeles in the mid 1980s.

    This is a monumentally unsettling idea. So much so that some world leaders have
suggested to Hamas that they actually take the time to form a governmental structure
now that they are in charge. Hamas, logically, is committed to the destruction of Israel,
and Israel has declared their refusal to even speak with Hamas. The Bush Administration has taken steps to require that Hamas embrace Peace. As if all that’s not enough, Iran, a nation under international scrutiny for seeking nuclear power and probably nuclear weapons, has recently denied the Holocaust ever took place, and has said that Israel should be “wiped off the face of the earth.”

    Naturally, after considering all these factors, I logged onto a Web site about Nostradamus.

    Nostradamus made it his business to predict unspeakable events in the future.

    I know what you’re thinking: why not just go to Fox News?

    That’s a good question, and under normal circumstances, I would. But when the world climate turns so sinister and unstable, and when unspeakable violence looms imminent, I feel better bypassing Fox News and going straight for a 16th Century soothsayer who would light candles, pour some oil into a pile of embers, and then write cryptic poems meant to foretell the horrors that will be the future. That, if nothing else, is truly objective journalism.

    In one of his poems, or Quatrains, Nostradamus writes that between the years 1999 and 2012, a nation on the Mediterranean Sea will be consumed by fire, and that the third anti-Christ, an Arabic man who’s name is Mabbus, will cause a great war, and that the King of the Mongols will declare war on The New Nation after the attack.

    I know what you’re thinking: Mabbus? King of the Mongols? Consumed by fire? And why should we believe some creepy guy just because he wrote over 1,000 poems about the future that are so vague that they can – with the right kind of eyes – be applied to any major and violent historical event?

    Okay, fair enough. But how about this: Nostradamus also said the world will be destroyed by global war in 2012. Interestingly enough, the Mayan calendar ends abruptly in the year 2012.

    That’s good enough for me. I’ve had the bejeezus thoroughly scared out of me by this revelation.  In light of this incontrovertible information, I’ve have decided to run for Mayor of Anchorage as a born-again Christian.

    I know what you’re thinking: what will the 81 percent of registered Anchorage voters who count themselves as Christians think of my announcement? Believe me, I’ve thought of that myself. In fact, I’ve given it considerable thought. I’m confident that the good Christian voters of Anchorage – a voting base that amounts to a strong majority – will get behind me in my quest for the top seat in the city.

    Let’s not take any chances. A vote for me is a vote for the will of God. A vote for me is a vote for common sense in a world gone mad.

    God bless America.
   
   

   
   

   
   
     
   







 




   




Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at -  neil@insurgent49.com
- Columnists -

Editor's Desk
by Aaron Selbig

Red Alert
by Soren Wuerth

Alaskan In Exile
by Neil Zawicki

The
Bramble Bush
by Kevin Morford





- also by this writer -
Copyright 2005 Insurgent Media. All Rights Reserved.
in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership.