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| January 19, 2007 Alaskan in Exile by Neil Zawicki, insurgent49 I haven’t been in any real snow since I left Alaska in 2004. My first winter up there, it dumped two feet in late March, and there was already two on the ground. I was walking home from work, down Fireweed, just west of C Street, high stepping through knee-high drifts when a pick up rolled up slow next to me with the passenger door open. “Need a ride?” said the driver. I climbed in. I could have been going all the way to Muldoon, for all he knew, but that didn’t matter. Later that night, Selbig and I stopped on our way to Blues Central to help a person get their car un-stuck from a snow bank. To thank us, he gave us a lift to the bar. That’s how it is. It snows like a fiend and buries the town and everyone just helps everyone else get to where they’re going. Nobody stops, and the schools don’t close unless it’s serious. My last winter there, Nova Stubbs and I sat and watched the fat flakes drift past the window in the yellow street light. “What if it covers the building?” “Impossible.” And then we all launched a snowball ambush on 4th Avenue from the roof. Fort Rich soldiers, party chicks and Natives returned fire. “Hey, Bullshit!” called one woman. “Roger, get out of the street!” Roger was in the middle of 4th Avenue, loaded, sloppily making snowballs and throwing them as cars drove around him. I’m recalling all of this because it snowed here in Portland on Tuesday. The event paralyzed the city; cars flipped over and piled up, clogging the freeways. I sat idle in traffic for two and a half hours and ended up returning home and working from there. The schools were all shut down, city busses became stranded downtown, and YouTube is now running footage of a minivan sliding around like a hockey puck in slow motion, seriously damaging more than seven cars and a couple light poles as the driver for some reason continued to accelerate. It was bedlam. TV newscasters asked brilliant questions of sheriff deputies, such as “do your officers have any sort of safety devices on your tires for this snow?” “Uh, yes, we…always are prepared for driving in the snow,” he answered with an annoyed tone. “Well, that’s good to hear.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d also asked him if he was wearing a warm coat. For the love of God. I guess the chaos is understandable, considering there was six inches of snow on the ground. That is not a typo. Six inches of snow caused Portland to self-destruct, schools to close, and dull-eyed newscasters to ask limper-than-usual questions. Six inches of snow. Understandable, considering six inches is a lot for down here. No excuse. It was six pathetic inches. I made the mistake of thinking I could just drive to work that morning. I would of course have to drive a little differently and take alternate routes, but I would make in just fine. I failed to consider all the other drivers and the outlandishly scary six inches of snow. I still haven’t been in any real snow since Alaska. But there is supposed to be another storm coming through tonight. Maybe the Snow Gods will deal me a good one for my caustic words, and spin me into a traffic pole. I doubt it. Do I hear six and a half inches? Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at hondo23@gmail.com 'Alaskan In Exile' appears on insurgent49.com every Friday. |
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January 12, 2007 January 5, 2007 December 29, 2006 December 22, 2006 December 15, 2006 December 8, 2006 December 1, 2006 November 24, 2006 November 17, 2006 November 10, 2006 November 3, 2006 October 27, 2006 October 20, 2006 October 13, 2006 October 6, 2006 September 29, 2006 September 22, 2006 September 15, 2006 September 8, 2006 September 1, 2006 August 25, 2006 August 18, 2006 August 11, 2006 August 4, 2006 July 28, 2006 July 21, 2006 July 14, 2006 June 30, 2006 June 23, 2006 June 16, 2006 June 9, 2006 June 2, 2006 May 26, 2006 May 12, 2006 May 5, 2006 April 28, 2006 April 21, 2006 April 14, 2006 April 7, 2006 March 31, 2006 March 24, 2006 March 17, 2005 March 3, 2006 February 24, 2006 February 17, 2006 February 10, 2006 February 3, 2006 January 27, 2006 January 20, 2006 January 13, 2006 January 6, 2006 December 30, 2005 December 23, 2005 December 16, 2005 December 10, 2005 December 2, 2005 November 25, 2005 November 18, 2005 November 11, 2005 November 4, 2005 October 28, 2005 October 21, 2005 October 14, 2005 October 7, 2005 September 30, 2005 September 23, 2005 September 16, 2005 September 9, 2005 September 2, 2005 August 26, 2005 August 19, 2005 August 12, 2005 August 5, 2005 July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 29, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 - also by this
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Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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