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| January 12, 2007 Alaskan in Exile by Neil Zawicki, insurgent49 Irishmen, Japanese Cars and the Atomic Bomb:
A Truncated History of Contemporary Nationalism I worked for a nationalistic Irishman in 1996. He made it his mission to point out the accomplishments of the Irish throughout history. “Neely!” he would shout to me, “Do you know who invented the submarine? An Irishman!” Of course, being a young American, it was my duty to be armed with immediate trumps to his nationalistic fervor. “Neely! Do you know who designed the White House? It was an Irish architect!” “You’re right, Seamus,” I would say, “and the British hated the Irish so badly that they declared war on the United States in 1812 just so they could burn the White House down.” “Ah, bollocks, I’ll talk to you when you’re sober.” This all took place at work, at an animation studio. Next I would add, “You know, Seamus, when we decided to rebel against the British … it worked!” “You’re shite, Neely.” And then he would give me a pack of Irish smokes for pinning him in a wrestling match. “Neely! Do you know why the Japanese make better cars than Americans?” “Ah, because we rebuilt their factories after destroying them in World War II?” Here it is: my point. The Japanese, Toyota specifically, are on the verge of surpassing General Motors as the number one auto manufacturer in the world. Nowhere is nationalism put into such stark relief than in the automotive industry. Ever since the Japanese rolled out their cheap, zippy cars in the mid 1970s, they’ve put the screws on the American automakers. People hated them in the ‘70s, until they started to realize that the Japanese make a pretty good car. Check this out: The Toyota Land Cruiser is a GM design. The engine block and drive train plans were given to the Japanese as part of the reconstruction effort after the war. Funny. Even better is the recent trend toward cross manufacturing; many Japanese cars are put together in America, and companies such as Mazda have collaborated on designs with Dodge and even Chevrolet. What it shows is that cars are generic, and they should be – except for the classics, of course. But modern cars are so devoid of character that I have for years believed that they are mined from a quarry in the mid-west, and random labels are riveted to them as they are unearthed. “Chevy, Chevy, Nissan, Ford, Mazda, Saturn.” Next! All the same car. And it should be that way. It’s insane to cling to a nation when picking a car. Not everyone feels that way, especially when there are major market shares involved. Take Harley-Davidson, for instance. The American motorcycle maker made secret reference to the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in one of their marketing campaigns. In the 1980s, the Japanese motorcycle makers were spanking Harley Davidson. This is because Harley is notorious for building cosmetic, high-maintenance bikes. The joke about design philosophy at Harley is this: “If it breaks, make it thicker, and if it sticks out, chrome it.” Instead of building a better product, Harley successfully lobbied congress to raise import tariffs on Japanese bikes, and then designed a new model –the Fatboy, rolled out in 1990. The motorcycle was painted silver, like the B-29s that dropped the two atomic bombs on Japan. And the name is a combination of “Fat Man” and “Little Boy,” the codenames for the two bombs. It wasn’t advertised; it was just a cigar-lighting inside joke among Harley executives. That story has been suggested to be a mere urban legend, but a friend who works as a parts manager with a Harley Davidson dealer told me the story, so I’m inclined to believe it. And I wouldn’t put it past them to do such a thing. In light of this, and in the spirit of silly nationalistic pride, I have an idea for how GM can retake the market from the Japanese. How about the 2008 Pontiac Iwo Jima? Or the Dodge Leyte? What about the Chrysler Doolittle Raid with Midway injection? Better yet, they could just produce better products in the first place. If it’s better, I’ll buy it, regardless of nationality. But it will always be fun to get into a scrap with a proud Irishman. Neil Zawicki, exiled Alaskan, is Editor at Large for Insurgent49, a former reporter for the Alaska Star, and winner of the Alaska Press Club's 'Best Columnist' award. He is now living out the rest of his days in an undisclosed location in Oregon. He can be contacted at hondo23@gmail.com 'Alaskan In Exile' appears on insurgent49.com every Friday. |
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January 5, 2007 December 29, 2006 December 22, 2006 December 15, 2006 December 8, 2006 December 1, 2006 November 24, 2006 November 17, 2006 November 10, 2006 November 3, 2006 October 27, 2006 October 20, 2006 October 13, 2006 October 6, 2006 September 29, 2006 September 22, 2006 September 15, 2006 September 8, 2006 September 1, 2006 August 25, 2006 August 18, 2006 August 11, 2006 August 4, 2006 July 28, 2006 July 21, 2006 July 14, 2006 June 30, 2006 June 23, 2006 June 16, 2006 June 9, 2006 June 2, 2006 May 26, 2006 May 12, 2006 May 5, 2006 April 28, 2006 April 21, 2006 April 14, 2006 April 7, 2006 March 31, 2006 March 24, 2006 March 17, 2005 March 3, 2006 February 24, 2006 February 17, 2006 February 10, 2006 February 3, 2006 January 27, 2006 January 20, 2006 January 13, 2006 January 6, 2006 December 30, 2005 December 23, 2005 December 16, 2005 December 10, 2005 December 2, 2005 November 25, 2005 November 18, 2005 November 11, 2005 November 4, 2005 October 28, 2005 October 21, 2005 October 14, 2005 October 7, 2005 September 30, 2005 September 23, 2005 September 16, 2005 September 9, 2005 September 2, 2005 August 26, 2005 August 19, 2005 August 12, 2005 August 5, 2005 July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 29, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 - also by this
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Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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