The buds on the alders are starting to bloom and I can actually feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It is spring, or the beginning of summer in some Alaskan circles. Regardless, it is a time of birth and renewal, as well as a time to understand the very cycles and circles of life. A time to contemplate the changes and understand the reason’s why. I love this time of year.

    May 5th is an important day for me and has been for a long time. I am not Mexican; however, it is the anniversary of my father’s death. I was twenty-two years old, and at the time I felt as though I was too young to have already lost one of my parents. I was never very close with my father, but still it was very difficult for me. Now, every May 5th, I make it a point to reflect upon my father’s life. I usually spend the day, acting as if nothing is different … I don’t speak of my father to anyone, and I just contemplate quietly.

    This May 5th was the day of my pseudo grandfather’s celebration of life, which was too far away for me to attend. The man who taught me how to fish, and to respect nature is now gone. And May 5th has now become something more to me. I don’t mean for this to be a downer, because in all reality it’s not. Both my father and grandfather were very sick at the times of their deaths and they needed to die. It is important to recognize the cycle of life and death, and view as just that.

    Spring represents birth to many, but to me it represents the beginning and ending of cycles in all its beauty. My day of remembering those who have died is not full of mourning, but rather a contemplation of life and why it works the way it does.

    This year I spent the day surrounded by familiar faces, and quite a bit of laughter. It was a beautiful day, not too cold and slightly overcast. I really couldn’t complain, but anyone who knows me these days is aware that I am not completely comfortable physically. I am almost seven months pregnant. I wobble everywhere I go, my ankles are the size of softballs, the burning sensation in my throat has gotten me temporarily addicted to Tums, and then there is the soreness in my back that seems to make itself known every time I sit down.

     But, alas, I am a vessel for life, and I can’t seem to think of anything more beautiful than that.

    So, it’s Cinco de Mayo on a Saturday, and many of my friends, as well as my husband, are primed for a party. I resigned myself to go with the flow. After all, I was supposed to be celebrating and remembering the lives of loved ones right?

     When I arrived at the party there were already a few people who were working on a good buzz. And the atmosphere was warm and fun loving. Despite the ails of having a swollen belly, I was happy to be there. After a while a woman showed up who I had not seen in ten years. I spent a winter working with her at a local coffee shop, and the last time I had seen her she was seven months pregnant with her first child, and it was sometime in the spring. It was great to see her, and that night every thing seemed to make sense, for the first time in a long time.

    Sometimes, it is more important to embrace ones humanness and reflect on the amazingness of life and all it’s glory and cycles. That is my 5th of May.

       

- column archive -

April 30, 2007

April 22, 2007

April 15, 2007

April 9, 2007

April 2, 2007

March 26, 2007

March 19, 2007

March 12, 2007

March 5, 2007

February 26, 2007

February 19, 2007

February 12, 2007

February 5, 2007

January 29, 2007

January 22, 2007

January 15, 2006

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January 1, 2007

December 25, 2006

December 18, 2006

December 11, 2006

December 4, 2006

November 27, 2006

November 20, 2006

November 10, 2006

November 3, 2006

October 27, 2006

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October 6, 2006

September 29, 2006

September 22, 2006

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September 1, 2006

August 25, 2006

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July 28, 2006

July 21, 2006

July 14, 2006

June 30, 2006

June 23, 2006

June 16, 2006

June 9, 2006

June 2, 2006

May 26, 2006

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