| August 19, 2005 Sticks And Stones Workshop Focuses On Causes, Effects Of Bullying by Katy Parrish, insurgent49 ...
sticks and stones will break my bones,
but words will never hurt me ... 
Who ever came up with that lie? I am acutely aware of bullying. As a former victim of domestic violence and the mother of a young man who experiences a developmental disability, I deal with bullying regularly. So I decided I would attend this year's Bye Bye Bullies full day workshop ,sponsored primarily by Dennis Moloney, last Wednesday August 17th (http://www.bye-byebullies.com/index.html ). The topics included: - My Child the Bully, What Do I Do? - My Child the Bully Victim, What Do I Do? - Sexual Bullying, It Has Been Around a Long Time. What Teachers and Parents Need to Know about Bullying and Sexual Predation Heavy topics, I thought. My main reason for attending was to share this with my son, who experiences hydrocephalus and autism, and has been the victim of continuous bullying for the last three years. My first hope was that he wouldn't feel so alone. My second hope was that he would come to understand that bullying is pervasive in our schools throughout the nation and that there are adults dedicated to stopping it. At the workshop, I was hoping to find some "magic bullet", courtesy of organizer Dennis Maloney. An accomplished attorney in Anchorage, Dennis successfully sued the Anchorage School District in representing a family who is caring for their son, who is severely disabled due to chronic bullying and an unfortunate suicide attempt. His injuries rendered him unable to care for himself for the rest of his life. The district settled out of court for millions. Dennis is committed to creating awareness about this tragic and devastating complacency, and hoping to empower parents and educators to start changing the system. The Mat-Su School District sent a full cadre of professionals to attend, while the Anchorage School District only sent a couple. I was disappointed by the lack of representation by ASD. My son attends a school in the Anchorage School District that is considered to be one of the golden jewels of the district. However, as far as many parents are concerned, the school lacks the commitment to creating a truly tolerant environment for youth who are "different." When I asked one of the counselors two years ago to use the strategies outlined in their Student Handbook for resolving conflict, she replied, "It won't work." She didn't even want to pursue bringing the two students together to find common ground. I was astonished and dumbfounded. Several days later, when I pressed the issue, she informed me that the youth who was bullying my son refused to participate, so the case was, in effect, closed. That encounter left me furious, and looking for answers. 
John Hoover, one of the presenters and former Chair of the Special
Education Department at Minnesota's St. Cloud State University,
referenced the Columbine tragedy, and how one of the shooters
experienced constant verbal abuse from peers just because he was lanky
and kind of a geek. Occasionally he would snap and try to stand
up for himself, only to be further humiliated. The school ignored it,
or thought that "kids will be kids". Unfortunately, the two young men
who brought guns to Columbine that fateful day chose the pat of violent
revenge. Bullying will never be justification for the killings;
however, these kids who did the shooting didn't ask to be harassed and
ignored.Other helpful information shared by Dr. Hoover Wednesday included: - Over 50% of students have been victimized, experiencing physical or violent threats, deliberate exclusion or teasing...nearly 20% of the bullied schoolchildren report symptoms of anxiety and depression (Bond, 2003) - Bullying increases the risk that a school will experience more serious violence - Bullying and violence prevention programs work--bullying, and associated violence is typically reduced by 50% over each of the first two years - Thus, bullying reduction programs are an integral part of community-wide violence prevention and mental health promotion efforts What can we do? Many things. Hoover explains: - Believe that the bullying is real/ treat it by mourning - Actively listen - Do not instruct to argue or fight back - Report incidents - Advocate for the implementation of bullying prevention programs in our schools. (some of the best prevention programs backed by empirical data documenting a decrease in bullying: Bully Busters, Olweus Norwegian Ministry, Second Steps and Steps to Respect – www.committeeforchildren.com , Behavioral Supports Model – www.pbis.org ) Our kids have constitutional rights, even when they are in school. The more the schools have to deal with youth and parents who will not ignore this disrespectful behavior, report it, and advocate for prevention, the sooner they will have to implement change. That takes guts, perseverance and organizing. Listening and making sure the victim of bullying feels connected and supported is vital. Disconnection, (i.e. when the victim does not report bullying incidents to parents) leads to a very dangerous state of isolation and hopelessness. As parents and educators, we have the responsibility to validate that bullying will not be tolerated. I describe this negative behavior to my son as, a condition of "being rude syndrome." He has even used the syndrome title with a couple of intolerant teens to great effect. Sticks and stones do break...but negative words have the power to leave lifelong, dark impressions. Never doubt the power of words. Commit yourself to using positive expressions every chance you can. Don't let negative impressions and expressions rule your existence. What was confirmed for me at the workshop is that mean words do break. They break our spirit and our hope. And when we tell our youth to, "Ignore it", we condone it. And when our youth reach a point of no return, a point where they don't care about consequences, we have tragedies like Columbine. Katy Parrish is a freelance writer and media activist who can be reached at takebackthemedia@hotmail.com. |
-
Columnists -
Bye Bye Bullies Workshop homepage |
||||||
| Copyright
2005
Insurgent Media. All Rights
Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
|||||||
