Some of the Republicans in Congress are spitting mad. In some cases, you can actually see the spittle flying from their lips as they rant and rave. If you didn’t already know it was impossible, you would think that someone had insulted their mothers.

     Why are they so mad? It seems that some dirty, rotten, no-good, lower than a snake’s belly newspapers have had the temerity, the chutzpah, the unmitigated gall to publish information that the President asked them not to publish.

     That’s the same thing as treason you know.

     It wasn’t just any old secret that these newspapers published. No sir, this was a super duper extra special classified secret that no one was supposed to find out about, not even the American people. Especially not the American people.

     Yet those good for nothing newspapers wrote down in black and white, where the whole world could see, the fact that the Bush Administration was obtaining copies of banking records of American citizens without getting any kind of a warrant from the courts. The only reason that a newspaper would report something like that, of course, is if it is just plain evil.

     Now don’t you start thinking that the president is supposed to get a warrant before he looks at private banking records. Sure, that’s what the Constitution requires, but the Constitution has been superceded. We’re fighting a war on terrorism, after all, and that means that the President can do what ever he wants to do. Just ask him, he’ll tell you.

     Sure, the President could easily have gotten warrants for those banking records from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court. Those judges rubberstamp just about any warrant which is thrust under their noses. But a President can’t fight terrorists if he has to get permission from a judge. So the only solution was to grab the records without a warrant, and then pretend it was legal when it was exposed. This President does what he has to do.

     Now before this story came out in the newspapers, those terrorists didn’t have any idea that the United States government might try to track them down by looking at their banking activities. No siree, they were fat, dumb, and easy to catch. But now that these newspapers have tipped them off about the bank records, those terrorists have all turned into financial geniuses, masterminds of deception, and we will never catch another terrorist again.

     And it is all the fault of those lousy newspapers. Is there no end to their perfidiousness?

     So you can see why the congressional Republicans are so rabid about this topic. This could easily spell the end of the civilized world as we know it. Why, this is almost as important as the constitutional amendment to ban flag burning.

     Fortunately, there is a sensible solution to this problem. A lot of the Congressional Republicans are up for reelection this year, and together they control hundreds of millions of dollars in campaign funds. A lot of those funds will be spent on advertising for their campaigns for reelection.

     Here is the solution. Any principled Republican who cares about this very important issue should boycott the newspapers that ran this story. Don’t give them a dime of advertising money. In fact, they should also boycott any television stations and networks that ran the story. Teach those SOBs a lesson.

     As a matter of fact, any congressional Republican who pays for advertising in the mass media this campaign season is a mealy-mouthed, two faced, forked tongue hypocrite who is supporting terrorists and hurting the United States.

     We can’t have the media actually telling the public about what their government is doing. It’s none of their business.

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