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| March 2, 2007 The Tao of Waitressing by Lindsay Luckey, insurgent49 I was taking the order for a friendly table a while back: “I’d like a ham omelet. And does that come with an english muffin? “Yes it does.” “Ok then, I’d like three.” “Three? You’d like three english muffins?” I ask for clarification. “No, three in addition to the one that comes with it.” She says impatiently. As much as I hate to have to continue talking about the number of English muffins she’s ordered, I’m imagining a huge Dr. Suess-esque teetering stack of English muffins and find it highly surprising that the slim petite woman before me intends on eating half a package of them on top of her meal. “Ok, so you’d like a total of four English muffins?” “Yes …” She looks uncomfortable. The rest of the table eyes me as if to say, Hey! Lay off her! She likes English muffins, why won’t you just let her be? Far be it from me to judge a person for what they order. There is a gamut of reasons that one might ask for their food order to be modified: allergies, diets, post lunch engagements that require onion free breath. I once had someone ask for a bakers dozen of polish sausage … uncooked … to go. People order strange things all the time. And I myself make requests that seem perfectly reasonable to me but recognize that my reasoning is not immediately apparent to the outside observer. I must move on, if she wants all her carbohydrates for the day in one sitting, she will have them. “And for you sir?” “I’d like the ham omelet too. With two more english muffins.” What’s going on here? Do they know something I don’t? Is the world’s english muffin supply running out and these people are stealthily stocking up?! Something is not right here. I’ll try a different tack. “So you’d like 6 english muffin halves?” “Oh no, no. A total of three. Three. English. Muffins.” The table exchanges glances. A ha! Mystery solved. When I’ve been saying “english muffin” I’ve been thinking of a light airy bread product that if not conveniently pre-sliced, would not have halves and you’ve been thinking of the same delicious bread product, only in it’s halved form. Fair enough. At the restaurant I work in, we serve an english muffin with some breakfasts. One. Whole. Muffin. But maybe I’ve had the wrong idea; maybe they are counted by the half. I’m still not sure, although a completely informal survey of friends backed me up. I now know what they would like, and start to explain where our communication broke down by motioning the pulling apart of an imaginary English muffin with my hands, but realize it’s not worth it. I know what they mean; they’ll get what they want. How funny it was that such a tedious miscommunication took up so much of our time. And that we were all native English speakers. I’ve had the opportunity to work with many people whose second language is English. Some speak fluently and others have trouble getting by. I’ve also watched interactions with these people and see how native speakers of English can easily become annoyed and disrespectful at having to repeat themselves or explain things in a different way. A friend of mine from the Philippines is a very smart man but has the sometimes funny, sometimes annoying habit of mixing up personal pronouns. He says things like “The man other there, she would like some more coffee” or “my daughter, he likes to dance.” She. He. One ‘s’. An important ‘s’ but usually the meaning is clear from the context. I was talking with a group of people using the exact same word but with different meanings in mind. It’s pretty embarrassing to see how some people treat my friend when they don’t understand him the first time. Or when he doesn’t understand them. With as many miscommunications as are possible and happen between those of us with a “common” language, maybe we ought to be a little more patient with those who are trying. Lindsay Luckey is a waitress and aspiring Renaissance woman. She lives and works in undisclosed locations in downtown Anchorage, and can be reached at lindsay@insurgent49.com. 'The Tao of waitressing' appears on insurgent49.com every Friday. |
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Reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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