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January 5, 2007
The Tao of Waitressing
by Lindsay Luckey, insurgent49

     One of my first negative experiences as a waitress came from an unexpected source, a multigenerational group celebrating their Grandpa’s birthday. 

     It was a busy day and, with many tables, I wasn’t able to give the large party as much attention as I would’ve liked.  I was otherwise occupied when their food was ready to be served, so my co-workers delivered the food.  When I came to check on the group and fetch straws or more coffee or ketchup or whatever was forgotten the first time around, I was greeted with all smiles and mouths full of food nodding their enjoyment.  Minus one. 

     “Grandma” called across the table, “You messed up! You messed up our orders.”

     I was caught off-guard by this, and my coworker who overheard her gave me her sympathies as she quickly passed. 

     “Oh, I’m sorry.  What’s the problem?  What can I do for you?” 

     I was ready to remedy whatever the problem was, as mistakes are frequent especially when things are busy, and I was absent for the final delivery of their dishes.

     “Well, I was supposed to have sausage and she was supposed to have the ham,” she saw me eying her half eaten omelet and added, “but we didn’t realize it until halfway through and decided to keep the wrong ones.” 

     Ooooohhhkay … so you were given the wrong dish, didn’t notice, started eating, liked it, she liked hers and the problem has been resolved?  I apologize for the mistake, but what can I do now besides that?  What benefit is she gaining by pointing out my error?  She has done nothing but call attention to my error publicly and gone out of her way to show me and others my incompetence. 

     Unintended (I imagine) consequences: my feelings are hurt, I’m not giving the rest of my tables the best service and now everyone that heard the comment is asking me about it and distracting me from my work. 

     We usually treat the birthday person to one of our delicious desserts.  Although put off by the woman’s cold treatment, I opted to “kill with kindness” rather than show that I was hurt.  While setting down dessert menus, I asked the birthday boy playfully which birthday he was celebrating.  Observing that he was a grandfather and not under 70, I suggested it was his 35th? 36th? 

     Obviously, to all involved, these were not real guesses. I was merely trying to get a laugh or some reaction out of the rest of the table.  Grandkids laughed, sons and daughters chuckled or rolled eyes with smiles, grandpa answered sincerely that it was his 75th birthday … and guess what Grandma said loud enough for all to hear?

     “Pffft! She’s just trying to get a better tip.” 

     I walked over to her, patted her shoulder and with a smile said, “yep, you’re right, but I have to make up for all the mistakes I made earlier, remember?”

     I didn’t stay for a response and if she said anything after that, I didn’t catch it, being either out of range or unable to hear over the rage pounding inside. 

     Yeah, I work for tips.  I have an hourly rate but a good percentage of my income comes from gratuity.  Most people know that.  I’m in the service industry. 

     These folks could’ve stayed home and had someone cook their own food and pour their own coffee and not get dressed up and rely on their own family to make bad jokes … but they didn’t.  They came to a restaurant for a special occasion and while part of my motivation for being friendly is to get good tips, I also just want to have a good time and help the people, who come in to have a good time, have a good time.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but isn’t it better to try to have fun? 

     We both know this is a transaction.  I’m being judged in certain categories and scored at the end.  We are playing a game that both parties have committed to merely by their presence. 

     Grandma’s behavior was like calling from the playing field, “Hey! She’s trying to score a goal!”

     We all compromise certain parts of ourselves for the work that we do.  Sometimes it’s being nice to someone who is being mean to you.  Sometimes it’s spending time in an office when you’d rather be with your family or out fishing.  Sometimes it’s sucking up to a boss to get ahead.  Sometimes it’s selling your body.  Sometimes it’s selling your mind.  No one would work a job that they didn’t love or do things they don’t have to if money were no object.

     We’re all prostituting something.  In some professions, it’s just more overt than in others.

 




     Lindsay Luckey is a waitress and aspiring Renaissance woman. She lives and works in undisclosed locations in downtown Anchorage, and can be reached at lindsay@insurgent49.com.

     'The Tao of waitressing' appears on insurgent49.com every Friday.
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The Tao
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by Lindsay Luckey







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in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership.