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September 23, 2005
Editor’s Desk
by Aaron Selbig

     It’s been an inquisitive week here at Insurgent Headquarters.

     According to the latest polls, President Bush’s approval ratings are at an all-time low, hovering in the neighborhood of 40%.

     Another recent poll shows that, for the first time, less than half of America believes the Iraq war is “winnable”.

     And, last but certainly not least, 58.4% of i49 readers believe that Jerry Prevo should be Alaska’s next governor.

     Say what? Prevo?

     That’s right, kids, you picked it. Get ready for the Prevo administration. I can see it now: giant TV screens mounted everywhere in the governor’s mansion, a huge satellite dish (for talking directly to God) atop the Capitol building, and mandatory baptisms for all legislative staffers. Amen. I can’t wait.

     So, this extraordinary development begs the question ... what’s in a poll, anyway?

     I began to suspect something was up with the i49 gubernatorial poll when the number of responses exceeded our weekly average by a factor of about eight (we had 158 responses compared to an average of roughly 20). Granted, our web traffic is up since the newspaper came out (yay!), but c’mon ... 84 votes for Prevo and only 9 for Scotty Gomez? Preposterous. This poll was obviously flawed. Either we had a caravan of trolls (sent forth from the Prevo pulpit, no doubt) frantically voting over and over again, or there was a serious problem with our methodology. Or maybe it was a little bit of both.

     At any rate, we believe we have fixed the problem with this week’s poll: Who is AK’s most self-serving politician?

     Here’s a rundown on the candidates:

1. Ben Stevens – royally screwed over the Aleut Enterprise Corp. Board by not reporting ownership option in Adak Fisheries (Aleut was involved in millions of dollars worth of dealings with Adak at the time). Ouch. Also, stands accused of getting daddy to attach pollock rider in Congress benefiting Adak Fisheries (again, worth millions of dollars). Double ouch. Bennie gets my vote by far, for what it’s worth.

2. Anna Fairclough – abruptly fired 23-year city employee a couple of weeks ago without consulting the Assembly. What’s the big deal? Firee was a black woman. NAACP is calling for Anna’s resignation. I don’t know if this counts as self-serving, but it’s definitely a criminal lack of political savvy.

3. Frank Murkowski – Where to begin?

4. Don Young - refuses to give up infamous 'Bridge To Nowhere' to aid Katrina victims. Hmmm ... now what was the name of his other bridge again?

5. Loren Leman – smarmy Lite Gov who ain’t into citizen initiatives (especially when they have to do with pot or Lisa). Gets bonus points for being long-time buddy of Prevo (your next governor, don’t forget).

6. Uncle Ted – Pork barrel king? Yes. Media conspiracist? Yes. Angry? Always. Self-serving? You be the judge.

     This week’s poll is foolproof (and trollproof). You can’t go wrong. They're all so deserving that there is no wrong answer.

     Of course, I realize there are no Democrats on the list. There’s a reason for that: 72% of all Alaskans believe there are no true Democrats in Alaska.

     But then again, 84% of all polls are bullshit, anyway.





Regards,
Aaron Selbig
Editor, Insurgent Media AK
- Columnists -

Editor's Desk
by Aaron Selbig

Red Alert
by Soren Wuerth

Alaskan In Exile
by Neil Zawicki

The
Bramble Bush
by Kevin Morford





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in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which  revolts against the policies of its leadership.