| August 5, 2005 Editor’s Desk by Aaron Selbig It’s been a productive week here at Insurgent Headquarters. Every Wednesday night, the I-49 interns (a ragtag group of Humboldt State dropouts handpicked by Dr. Gillespie) and myself sit around the boardroom here at HQ and quaff a beer or two, debate the issues of the day and sometimes burst into hysterical tears. It is from these lively and often heated group discussions that I usually draw material for Insurgent Radio and this column. This last Wednesday, one of our interns (who shall remain nameless due to an unspecified legal matter pending in the state of Maryland) strode into the boardroom sporting a “Free DC” t-shirt and loudly proclaiming to anyone who would listen what a gross injustice it is to live in the District Of Columbia. For those of you who haven’t heard, Washington, D.C., a city with an 80% black population that ALWAYS votes blue, is the only place within the borders of the U.S. that lacks representation in Congress. That’s right ... no Senators, no Representatives, nothing. Doesn’t quite seem fair, does it? After all, they pay taxes just like the rest of us. Wasn’t there something in 7th grade American history class about “taxation without representation”? Hmmm ... So this poor girl, just returned from a trip to Washington, was absolutely livid with the way D.C. has been treated by the federal government. “It’s total BULLSHIT!”, she exclaimed to the group, “ ... it’s nothing short of RACISM and, some day, the good people of the District are gonna RISE UP and take back their rights by FORCE if necessary!” She went on like this for several minutes and very nearly had to be restrained. But it did get us thinking. What if the citizens of D.C., who have tried unsuccessfully several times to address their grievances peacefully, did indeed rise up and take control of Washington? What if they surrounded the Capitol, the White House and the Millard Fillmore Memorial, and forced all the politicians out of town once and for all? I know, it seems preposterous, but try to suspend your disbelief for a moment. Oh sure, the Feds would be pissed at first, and would probably try anything they could think of to hold on to their precious piece of real estate. But, given some time to cool off, the government might see the silver lining in turning the city back over to it’s citizens. “There’s better places in this vast country for a capital, anyway”, they might begrudgingly admit. And so, we here at Insurgent Headquarters, with a couple of drinks in us and operating on the hypothesis that Washington has been returned to the Washingtonians, promptly set to work deciding (for the benefit of the entire country, of course) where the best place for a new capital city would be. After a couple of hours worth of debates, voracious Googling, and a seemingly endless stream of secret paper ballots, we finally came up with a winner. Las Vegas. That’s right, Las Vegas should be the capital of the United States and, frankly, I don’t understand why it isn’t already. It was founded by criminals, so the politicians will have no trouble fitting in. The weather is better than the East coast. And, most importantly, Las Vegas symbolizes better than any other city in the country the core values of America: greed, corruption, and strippers. So let’s start a movement, insurgents! FREE DC! (and enslave Vegas) Regards, Aaron Selbig Editor, Insurgent Media AK |
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July 29, 2005 July 22, 2005 July 15, 2005 July 8, 2005 July 1, 2005 June 24, 2005 June 17, 2005 June 10, 2005 June 3, 2005 May 27, 2005 May 20, 2005 May 13, 2005 May 6, 2005 April 28, 2005 April 21, 2005 April 14, 2005 April 7, 2005 April 1, 2005 |
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Insurgent Media.
All rights reserved. in-sur-gent (in sur'jent), n. 1. a member of a group which revolts against the policies of its leadership. |
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