It was in 1974 that Alaskans first decided to move their state Capitol, and for good reason. The inaccessibility of Juneau had the majority of Alaskans feeling left out and voiceless, subject to secretive and under-scrutinized backroom government dealings in an isolated place they had little hope of getting to. But where to move to? Anchorage was out, rural folks looked at the city as a big, ugly metropolis which was already too politically powerful and disconnected from the rest of the state. Fairbanks? Better ... but too damned cold and, honestly, too far away from Anchorage. In 1975, a citizen’s panel tasked with this monumental decision chose ... (drumroll, please) ... Willow.

     Willow?

     That’s right, Willow. Nestled in an area of scenic lakes and awesome mountain vistas just outside of Wasilla, Willow seemed like a logical choice. But, then again, in 1975 polyester bell-bottoms seemed like a logical choice, too. In 1982, voters rejected Willow as the site of a new Capitol. Maybe it was just a little too close to Wasilla.

     Fast forward thirty-one years and countless statewide debates on the Capitol move, and here we are back at square one. Most Alaskans still feel that Juneau is too far away from the majority of Alaskans, too expensive to get to, and too used to being an insulated private club for Alaska’s elected leadership. The most vocal opponent to the idea of moving the Capitol away from Juneau has always been ... Juneau.

     In the latest round, Juneau has come up with a brilliant idea. “That old Capitol building is looking pretty worn out”, says Juneau, ”wouldn’t it be nice to have a brand new, shiny Capitol that we all can be proud of?” And so, Juneau has embarked on a plan to gather architectural designs for a swank new Capitol building, which, if it ever gets built, will surely buy them twenty or thirty more years as Alaska’s capital city. Their diabolical plan has already hit a snag, however. Turns out that folks outside of Juneau are not only indifferent to the design of a new Capitol building, they’re incensed that public money could be spent on such a thing. As a matter of fact, Juneau’s latest scheme to keep the Capitol has backfired on them completely, stirring once again the debate over moving our government somewhere we can keep an eye on them.

     Enter Insurgent49.

     As always, we here at Insurgent Headquarters have a plan. After an intense round of discussion in the boardroom which involved slide projectors, 8x10 color glossy photos, assorted graphs and charts, and a floor-to-ceiling map of Alaska drawn entirely with sheep’s blood, the Insurgent49 staff has come up with what we believe to be an amicable and logical solution to this never-ending problem.

     Let’s move the Capitol to Adak.

     That’s right, Adak. Nestled in an area of scenic coastline and ferocious weather patterns, Adak is, we believe, the perfect place for Alaska’s government to call home. Moving the Capitol to Adak is a solution  that will please everyone involved. Well, except Juneau. The politicians will be happy because they can continue with business as usual (passing laws favoring companies in which they own stock, for example). Adak will be happy because they will finally have a use for all those abandoned military buildings littering the island. And the rest of us will be happy because, although Adak may not be any more accessible than Juneau, we will finally realize that we don’t really want to be any closer to Alaskan politicians anyway.